THINKING | substances, david lynch

[aspiratorium]

yea im talking about and thinking about and watching and rewatching david lynch like everybody else rn because he's died. i didn't actually engage deeply w his work while he was alive or anything, only in a cursory way. some twin peaks in high school but i never finished it, some of his other artwork back then too. i did watch mulholland drive this past weekend and i'm sure i'm the last to say that it's a revelation.

and ppl r posting a lot of interview snippets, quotes and things from him online. still; he died five days ago but the public mourning period hasn't ended. again, though i was extremely taken aback when i heard news of his death (humans like him make death seem unimaginable), i hadn't engaged super deeply w his work so i didn't cry or anything when i heard the news i was just saddened. felt a little like one of the best parties of all time had ended. but through the mourning period the thing which has gotten me closest to crying, which is making me feel like crying even now, is a quote from an interview in People magazine last year. David said about his smoking habit: "I don't regret it. It was important to me. I wish what every addict wishes for: that what we love is good for us."

crying now 😭

something abt addiction tht i think can elude ppl at times is the innocence of it. not that addiction has to be innocent or anything. but it seems like the relationship between an addict or someone with a habit and their object of addiction or habit is often kind of an optimistic one ...the activity feels fortifying...when i would binge drink every weekend or, like, spend basically an entire year high in order to avoid the pitfalls of binge drinking every weekend...every return to my object is a return to something that genuinely supports and holds me in some ways. until it doesn't, u kno. but the object is a safe danger. its a soft blade. its hope. sometimes retreat into habit is a "here's hoping." ppl need hope. ppl need friends and salvation and warmth. and wishes, as david says. sometimes when i can't get rid of something that id like to be rid of its just because i wont stop asking for warmth. sometimes when it hurts me it feels like...

"I wish what every addict wishes for: that what we love is good for us"

anyway, RIP David Lynch <3