MISCELLANEOUS | idk

diary entry...im rewatching paranoid park just thinking about wat it must feel like to walk around this world ur whole life with the freaking anvil tht this teenage main character has permanently attached to his gut. like the burden of it. ur walking around the earth feeling like someone is chasing u all the time and with these horrible memories and regrets just like a swirling pit of dark cold water in u, ur brain has to be nothing less than hell..and u didnt mean it..

anyway i was just thinking abt all tht pressure and i was like someone dealing w those kinds of feelings wouldnt b able to let anyone close to them for the entire rest of their lives, anyone who knew tht kid during the events of the movie or afterwards would probably b like "oh him tht guys a mystery" like he would have to be so evasive, he'd have to swallow every other word he ever wanted to say and then some just to keep everything down. and then i thought to myself "he'd pretty much have to live like me." lol. .. why have i exiled myself from my own fcking life...? ...teehee :)