combine harvester

diary entry...im rewatching paranoid park just thinking about wat it must feel like to walk around this world ur whole life with the freaking anvil tht this teenage main character has permanently attached to his gut. like the burden of it. ur walking around the earth feeling like someone is chasing u all the time and with these horrible memories and regrets just like a swirling pit of dark cold water in u, ur brain has to be nothing less than hell..and u didnt mean it..

anyway i was just thinking abt all tht pressure and i was like someone dealing w those kinds of feelings wouldnt b able to let anyone close to them for the entire rest of their lives, anyone who knew tht kid during the events of the movie or afterwards would probably b like "oh him tht guys a mystery" like he would have to be so evasive, he'd have to swallow every other word he ever wanted to say and then some just to keep everything down. and then i thought to myself "he'd pretty much have to live like me." lol. .. why have i exiled myself from my own fcking life...? ...teehee :)

i've been wanting to get into martial arts movies for a while now and im glad i have..i kno why i thot i'd like them so much and i was right. they're body movies... it's abt how wat ur seeing played out immediately in front of u, on the characters bodies, makes u feel. the substance is wat u can see. and its more palpable and personal in martial arts films than in some other genres of action film i think. disclaimer before i start talking the only martial arts films ive seen so far are kung fu movies so i kno there r movies w other styles at the center tht i wanna watch in the future and i may come away w a different thought abt those

bruce lee said tht he felt tht motion pictures in general shouldn't have much dialogue bc its about pictures...moving... Idk if i agree w tht entirely but i certainly see why he'd feel tht way as a martial arts film star, and I would agree tht for the martial arts movies ive seen so far, less focus on dialogue has been an asset. i like this trait of the genre, and i think i like body horror and sci fi horror movies best out of all horror for a similar reason. like these films r meant to b felt directly in ur body. like they skip the head hole and move straight thru the skin of ur abdomen for digestion, and they do this by putting the body at the center of the film in the most direct way possible.

in martial arts films there is a process that every body involved in the fighting goes through in order to execute every kill or injury or arrest. from the training which is shown or tht u just kno happened to the actual fight. this process isnt only made visible on film, its like half of the point of the entire movie (if not the whole point, depending on wat ur watching). to put the art form on display. so u sit with the characters as u watch their bodies change before u during the struggle. one blow and now they're injured, one dodge but their eyes are wide bc it was a close call and now u kno they're restrategizing. its not like the point is to maximize impact, hand to hand combat is just like this so this is how a thoroughly choreographed fight will come out on film in most martial arts movies, but it is a pivotal effect. u sit with the characters, u sit in the combat, u sit in the pain. u sit in the body.

and i think tht wat makes sitting in the physicality of martial arts movies more impactful to me than sitting in the physicality of other action movies tht may feature some hand to hand combat is the sense of purpose, the time + the craft thts on the dealing end of every movement. like becoming an expert in a martial art requires, if not some form of reverence, then at least intense dedication + patience. tht goes w/o saying. and this brings me back to body horror again. they're similar in tht theyre both body centric movie genres, but if the spectacle of body horror is loss of control or a perceived loss of control over the body and the self, then the spectacle of (non comedic?) martial arts movies is the achievement of complete control through the body and the self. control over ur surroundings, control over ur future, and control over ur own personhood accomplished thru a labored forging of the mind body. films in both genres imply or are fully about power dynamics tht exist within the single person, between an emergent floating will and the beast tht is the human body. so essentially between the body and itself. tho i guess in body horror the real "antagonist" or catalyst can just b like, fate or watever. idk my thoughts on body horror r locked up in my brain cabinet sorry im not going to get them rn.

ermmmm also im only in the 70s rn with martial arts movies, i havent tried to watch any of the 40s 50s samurai movie era ones and i certainly havent made it to the 21st century yet so opinions subject to change and tht. i'll always have a little thought to add...we'll see wat i think a few weeks from now...also im not an expert on east asian martial arts or anythings or action movies in general so ...talking out my ass...anywayz this is why i like the movies ive seen so far at least.

there will be a use for all this one day i promise. dont call me crazy.

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